a feelin' in the air...

So there are a lot of things on my mind today. One, how stinking grateful I am that it's like 10 degrees cooler than normal. Two, how amazingly blessed I am to have such an awesome family. Three, that last year on this day i was doing everything possible to go into labor. (i don't actually know what i was doing on this exact day last year, but if i had to guess, inducing labor would be what i was doing considering i spent the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy trying to have my baby) With the cooler air (i know it's really not THAT cool) there is a "feeling" in the air. You know how you'll be walking and smell a certain smell and it takes your right back to where you were the first time you smelled that smell? Well, today i've been having so many "flashbacks" of when Jamison was born that I can hardly stand to think he's turning 1 in just a couple weeks. I don't really remember what it's like to be married without a baby, but i do remember when the doctor told me that i would no longer be pregnant within the next couple hours i started crying thinking i wasn't ready to be a mom. Ready or not, there j was the sweetest blessing in the world. I couldn't believe something so good could happen to me. He was the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen, and amazes me each day with how much he's grown and how smart he is. I can be having the worst day, and he can STILL make me laugh. THAT is why being a mom is so great. I will admit that sometimes i can not wait till nap time, and sometimes i want to cry thinking of how fast he is growing, but I couldn't be happier to be his mom. I was going through some of my birth pics of Jamison and wishing so bad i could go back to that moment and re-live it. Future moms, write that moment in your journal! it's soo amazing to go back and read! I remember crying and crying ( i blame baby blues) after J was born everytime he'd become another week old i'd cry and think he's getting too big too fast, and i feel the exact same today. Relish those moments your babies are newborns, life comes and goes so quickly, you'll wish when your baby is turning one that you could turn back time.
When i found out i was pregnant again i was a little less than excited. Mostly because the morning sickness didn't waste any time making it's arrival. And here we are at 17 weeks, and i'm finally starting to feel better. I still wasn't all that excited. All i could think about was how hard it would be to have two babies. I can hardly take care of one. What will i do with two? Then my sweet sister in law Kim had her baby just last week, and i realized how exciting it is all over again. Sure, it's going to be hard, but i think i can do it. (maybe :]) we find out what we are having in two weeks and i can hardly stand it. I'm pretty sure it's a boy, this pregnancy has felt pretty much exactly the same as Jamison, so it's hard for me to think otherwise. This pregnancy has seemed to go by much more quickly than the last, i can't wait to find out what we are having and for the opportunity to welcome the sweet little thing into this world. I love being a mom, it's the greatest blessing!

i'm going to be a whiner for a minute...

**disclaimer: i am a fatigued, morning-sickness effected, hormonal person...in other words, i have no filter right now, just be warned :]

Jake and i were going to wait until we knew the gender before we spilled the beans to the whole world, but i'm so dang sick that i just needed to get on here and whine a bit about it in hopes that it'll make me feel a little better. yes, i'm pregnant. Again. I know, "i just had a baby"... this pregnancy was completely unplanned. Trust me, it surprised us just as much as it does you, all 3 of you. :] I had completely forgotten just how dang crappy you feel when your pregnant. HOLY CRAP. I remember feeling sick, but i think the drugs they give you at the hospital erase your memory so you can't remember just how miserable pregnancy can be. I can smell anything, i can probably even tell you what kind of hairspray you use. This super-smell is something i could do without, considering pretty much everything that has a smell will make me sick. They say to "not let yourself get hungry" well, what if everything you eat makes you throw up? how am i supposed to stay "full" if my lunch always ends up in the toilet? or garbage, or whatever is closest. Nothing sounds good to eat anyway. Only salmon and steak, the two most expensive things to buy. plus a steak cooked in a pan and not on the grill is pretty much a waste of your money. Oh, and big j's, anyone want to drive two hours to have lunch? ugh. I realized that although rexburg is bigger, it doesn't have good places for a pregnant person to eat. Everything is fried or mexican. I was on pinterest earlier looking up ANY possible remedy for morning sickness and i came across a funny little comment an older woman told her pregnant daughter, "if men had to go through this, you know darn well they'd have come up with a working remedy by now" in other words, men are sissies. That's right. I said it. sissies. Poor J, i hardly have the energy to shower, let alone do all the fun things 10 month olds like to do, like go to the park and play mom is a jungle-gym, one little hand placed on my tummy can make whatever is inside come out. No wonder he likes his Dad so much. His mom is a grump. I am such a wimp when it comes to morning sickness. I'm often brought to tears just because i don't think i can handle one more second of feeling like i am going to toss my cookies. even scrolling through my phone makes me sick, seeing the screen move! I'm about 10 1/2 weeks so i am hoping this only lasts another 2-4 weeks. however with jamison i was sick until about 17 weeks. *sigh

lets get real...

so in several of my posts i've found myself saying "wow, i'm the worst blogger ever...i'll do better..." reality is, it'll never happen. Sure i dream of having an eye-catching blog that everyone just loves to read, with a cute little weekly craft to brag about and little "how-to's" to show each step for everyone else to make that same little crafty thing. Pictures that are totally brag worthy of my family and some that i've snapped myself, But lets get real. I'm not a good blogger, photographer or crafter. I will probably continue to update my blog once every month - 3 months, and i'll continue to wish i could have that perfectly posh blog...
ANYWAYS. this month J turned 9 months, holy crap. If i had a dime for everytime someone said, "jamison isn't a baby anymore! when did he turn into a little boy?" i would have enough to afford all the things that noone ever needs in this life, and i would use them to throw at them. Just kidding, i wouldn't do that! what a waste! it's just hard for mommies, (like me) to face that their kids grow faster than weeds. We tend to live in a world of peaches and rainbows thinking life is bliss with a newborn you'll get to enjoy forever, or at least a year, then you get a swift slap back to reality, and realize you have a newborn for about a month. the month that your dealing with a flabby belly, bad hair and figuring out how to make your shirts fit. (all those nursing mom's will enjoy that one)  Then all of a sudden they're sitting up eating real food, and begging for your table scraps. It's terrible but fun too. funrrible. Jamison does so many things everyday that crack jake and me up. In short, he's a nerd, just like his mom and dad. and we are realizing that we actually made this kid, he has our quirks. For example, i hate wearing socks, i'd rather have frostbite than put socks on, and do you think i can keep socks on that kid. no. i cannot. so all you little old ladies that look at me at the store wondering why "i can't just put some socks on that poor kids' feet" go and look at the back seat of my car. J has lighting fast hands that rip those shoes and socks off his feet before i can even get my seat belt buckled. why fight it? He loves to sleep with his blanket over his face (causing me to get no sleep whatsoever, because i'm constantly going in to check on him to make sure he's still breathing) i remember grandma always saying the same thing to me, "how can you breathe??!!" and the kid loves food, like his mom and his dad, not his mush though, he wants whatever we are having. The kid is a bottomless pit, he will eat us out of house and home. mark my words. Jamison loves his dad, sure he's excited to see his mom, but i NEVER get a grin the way jake does and j never cries to play with me. As soon as jake walks in the door the kid wants his attention. as if to say "how in the world could you leave me home with her??!!" i'm choosing not to be offended. It's fine, it's not like i endured 17 weeks of morning sickness, had kidney stones twice with a kidney infection, bladder infection, stretch marks, contractions AND 14 hours of labor, 2 of which pushing was involved, (we can skip all the gory details of that last one) and months of recovery for you to be dad's best friend. I'm fine, it's fine you save all the good stuff for dad. This kid keeps me busy all day. I can't believe the eyesight on this kid, he can see the smallest, microscopic crumb picks it up with his "pinchers" and it goes strait in his mouth! first of all how in the crap did you see that? secondly, why did you think it was a good idea to eat it? now my job is to squeeze his cheeks and fish out the microscopic piece-of-whatever that i can't even see. it's tricky. J thinks poop is funny. He think that you cleaning up his poop is hilarious. i say he gets that from his dad's side. He also likes to pee on you at 4 am when your hardly awake enough to realize whats going on to move / grab something to protect yourself. maybe he's going to be a spy-- gets you when you least expect it. He thinks its fun to try and jab your eyes out, and honk your nose, and if your a girl, look down your shirt. (he thinks everyone has something tasty) He loves jumping and standing up at the couch, dumping out his entire box of toys on the floor to play with the box, and likes to eat shoes. totally disgusting. i like shoes on my feet, j likes them in his mouth, i guess that's a similarity. He is a computer geek- but mostly is interested in electronics by finding power cords oh so interesting, and tasty."Heck, what isn't good to put in my mouth?!"

In short, i could go on and on for ages all the fun and sometimes not so fun things j does. but i don't have the time. I love that kid. he keeps me on my toes, literally- i never get to sit down. He is so much fun and i'm so blessed to have him. <3

Sexy and I Know It

Jeeze. This guy is just too handsome for me to handle. I'm so lucky to be his momma.

at almost 8 months J likes to EAT, roll, play in the bath or especially swimming pool, swing, laugh and play with his blue and white rubber ducky, and anything that makes noise (i.e. his singing bear--thanks grandma for that one) Remotes & cell phones. His newest "trick" is shaking his head "no". How is it they know that word so stinking early?! Why does "yes" get the short end of the stick? He cries as soon as Jake walks in the door from work because he instantly wants to play, he won't even let him shower and change. 

while on a trip in St. George last week we went to a Chinese/Japanese restaurant and one particular server thought he was so darn cute, she kept sayin "he cute! he cute!" in her super heavy Japanese accent. Then she turns to me and says "how old him?" it was so funny, i answered her question politely (meaning i didn't burst into uncontrollable laughter until after i left) but i will say that to J and he almost always will laugh at me. Its nice we share the same sense of humor, So much so in fact that we can sit and laugh at eachother all day. We think we're funny.  

Canvas Contest!

Hey Everyone! I am entered in a contest to win a FREE gallery wrapped canvas of this cute little guy:

We need your help to win, you can vote twice, once at her blog charlsielynphotography.blogspot.com by leaving a comment of which picture your voting for (blue steel)

and also on her facebook page, Like Charlsie Lyn Photography--you can find it on my page, then leave a comment on her wall for which one you're voting for! (note that liking the picture doesn't count as a vote)

I know that most, if not all my posts focus on my sweet little baby and fantastic husband. These two amazing boys are my whole world, to those of you mom's out there, you probably know what i mean by that. I found myself wide awake drowning in thoughts at 5 am, after i had gotten up with J for the second time, times i often find myself complaining about, but today, J was able to comfort me, when i didn't realize i was in need of comfort, and i realized that this sweet little infant, sent to me from a loving Heavenly Father, was sent here to show me what LOVE is. To give me a little taste of JOY. So after returning to bed i found myself grateful for the opportunity  I've been given to be this little boy's mom.  I provide him food, clothes, and a clean diaper, and he provides me a confirmation to my testimony that I have a living Father in Heaven, who loves me, and is there for me always. Being with this little boy, looking into his eyes, and being welcomed by a toothless smile can send chills down my spine. He's a constant reminder to me of the love of the Lord. How much my Father must trust me, to send me this special spirit. In times like this when i feel forgotten, or left behind, it's such a blessing for me to be the mom to this little guy. So innocent and full of Love. For you moms out there who feel small at times, just think of this.

The last couple of Sundays Jake has been there for me while i'm fretting over what to wear to church. "...that's too big"....."i wore that last week, and the week before that...." "i can't nurse in that"...  and so many more things came pouring out of my mouth. He was there to tell me i'm beautiful not because of the clothes i wear, but because i'm a daughter of God. When reminded of that perspective, i realized what i put on my body, wasn't important to my Father in Heaven, but that i was going to church was. Jake has always been this for me, a reminder that although it's important to look your best, its more important to be your best. So many people questioned Jake when he chose me to marry. "isn't she....wild?" is just ONE of the many things i heard, Often i find myself thinking the same thing, WHY DID HE CHOOSE ME? I guess Jake sees something i cannot. Although I've made many changes to my life in the past 5 years, i find myself wondering if i really deserve this man. He pushes me each day to be my best. He is my best friend. He stands beside me, holding my hand through life, and the challenges that come, and that's what he's always done for me. When i feel i have no one, i try and remember this.

KONY 2012

I saw this video today on facebook, and decided to watch it, what i saw brought me to tears several times. I hope that everyone will take 30 minutes out of their day to watch this, and help make a difference.